Only In The South

I assume that this kind of thing would happen anywhere in the world but this was the thought that popped into my head.

I stopped this morning to gas up Julio.  This is the kind of place, that back in my day, would have had shelves of VHS tapes available for rent, signs letting you know where the tanning bed was, huge jars of pickled eggs on the counter, a vat of boiled peanuts and the ever present night crawlers for sale.  I know that to some of you this may sound like a joke but I have to say that jokes, just like urban legends, have to get their start somewhere.  In the present day, the store now sells not only every kind of beverage and snack you can think of but also a vast array of accessories for you cell phone, minutes for said phone, a plethora of Alabama & Auburn ball caps, shirts etc., cheap jewelry, lighters and such; you get the picture. 

Walking into the store I hollered at Doris, the cashier, and got my beverages before heading to the counter.  Doris rang me up and...

Doris: Well the world didn't end yesterday.
Me: (blank stare, wide eyed blinking)
Doris: They said on the radio that the world was going to end last night.
Me: Really???
Doris: Yep.  Apparently some 90 year old man said that God was coming back last night.
Me: Well, from the look of things that didn't happen.
Doris: Don't you know it!  Stupid man!  Doesn't he know that man is not going to know when the second coming is going to happen?  The better angels don't know but man does!?  Makes no sense!  The only one who knows is God; I know that because I'm a back slider.
Me: Really?  The angels?
Doris: Yep, bible says that the angels do not know when the second coming will happen, only God.
Me: Hmmm (thinking, gotta ask MawMaw about this one)
Doris: Course I'm going to hell anyway being a back slider.  After I lost my husband I quit going to church cause I was mad at God.
Me: I'm sorry to hear that Doris.
Doris: Yeah - gotta get myself right again.
Me: We all do Doris.  Gotta get to work, dear.  Have a good day!

So....only in the South can you get gas, beverages and a bible lesson.

Revelations

Scooter is spending the weekend with me.  As soon as we got home from the grocery store, I put him to work in helping me with the grocery distribution.

S: Why do I have to take this stuff to the bathroom? Why don't you do it?
Me: Because when you guys come to visit me you are really coming to be my slaves.

Scooters revelation: B can really be a shit.


Scooter is preparing Yen & Madalynn some canned food for dinner, so they are, of course, going bat shit around him with the crying and the rubbing.

S: Okay! Okay! Be nice, this is my first time!
Me: (thinking) That's what she said.

B's revelation: I hang out with the guys at work way too much.

Awesomeness

If you did not watch this last night, you are really missing something so check it out.

American Horror Story

By the by it is definitely not something for tweens or younger.  As for older teens I guess that is up to you.

Conversations With A 9 Year Old

So the Bean spent last Saturday night with me and we had great fun.  A couple of conversations:


Bean (on the phone w/me): Can I spend the night?  I know we are supposed to call earlier in the week but my plans fell through, so can I come?
Me: Your plans fell through (come one people!  she is 9! what kind of plans could she have?!?)? So I am your second choice?
Bean: Yep
Junior (faintly over the phone): You don't say that to people!
Bean (now talking to her father): But I was going to stay with .....
Junior: You don't tell people that they are you second choice, Bean.  It might make them feel bad.
Bean: Oh....(now talking to me) well can I?


At the house.

Bean: You need to call your friend because I want to babysit the little girl like Budzo did.
Me: What friend? What girl?
Bean: I don't remember their names but Budzo got to do it so I want to too.
Me: Are you talking about Gia?
Bean: That's the one! Can she come over?


At the mall (yes, people, I went to a mall) eating lunch.

Bean: I want some cousins.
Me (choking): You what?!?!
Bean: I want some cousins.  I want someone to play with besides the boys.
Me: If I were to give you cousins, it would be many years before they could play with you and then you wouldn't be interested.
Bean: No it won't; just adopt some kid.
Me:........


Still at the mall.

Bean: Can two women have a baby?
Me (thinking Good God Why Me!): Well, yes but they have to have a doctor's help and they still need a boy.
Bean: Why do they need a boy?
Me (Really?  How do I get myself into these things?): Because it takes a boy and a girl to make a baby.
Bean give me a look that plainly said that my explanation was not good enough.
Me: God help me....Girls have eggs....
Bean: I have eggs?  I don't have eggs.
Me: Yes you do, you were born with all the eggs you are ever going to have.  Boys have sperm....
Bean: What?
Me: Just go with this will you?
Bean: Okay
Me: When a boy and a girl are intimate, which usually happens when they really, really love each other (I thought a little lie wouldn't hurt), then the boy's sperm meets the girls egg and that becomes a baby.
Bean: So why do two women need a doctor?
Me: You need to talk to Grammy.
Bean: But....
Me: Talk to Grammy.

Playing Catch-up

I have been doing everything and yet nothing at all.  Since I last posted, I have been to Colorado for work and Georgia & Tennessee for pleasure.

At the first of August, a colleague and I were sent to Colorado Springs to open an office branch for work.  We spent the week opening the office and it was a very nice break from the day to day grind back at home.  We didn't get to do anything touristy but I enjoyed my time away.  It is so beautiful out there that I actually considered looking for a job.  I love the town and the weather is glorious!  Plus there is the added benefit of actual seasons!

A couple of weeks ago, I headed off to Atlanta to see Chocolate' and catch a concert.  We had tickets to see Train (my favorite!) with Maroon 5 (they were okay) and Matt Nathanson (missed most of his act but I liked what I heard) at an amphitheatre.  Chocolate' and I have a wonderful seafood dinner before heading to the concert and after walking a country mile; we settled ourselves on the slope of the amphitheatre to enjoy some music.  Not only were we entertained by the bands but also this group sitting to the side of us; specifically one of their crew that was having a good time all on his own.  The man was wasted beyond measure and provided Chocolate' and I with lots of humorous suppositions.  It was a 'you had to be there' kind of thing and it was hilarious.

We also did some damage at the outlets and that is saying something for someone who doesn't like to shop.  Later we met up with a friend and had yet more seafood.  It reminded me of the Bucket of Boat trash you can get at Bubba Gump restaurants but it was only crab and shrimp.  And it was a lot!  The three of us barely made a dent into the bucket!  We had a wonderful time just catching up and I was sad to come back home.

Later that weekend, I took Parental 1 & 2 out to dinner for their birthdays.  We went to The Melting Pot and they said they enjoyed themselves.  If you have never been, I would recommend it for the experience but be prepared to spend some money.

Beyond the celebrations, I've had to deal with an illness.  I contracted RSV...again.  Having a sucky immune system really stinks.  I spent three days at home and went back to work to deal with chaos. 

So that is what has been going on in my little world.  For those one or two of you who read this I promise to post more often and try to be whitier when I do post.

Until then...

How True

"With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion."


-- Steven Weinberg

This quote made me think about Isaac and Ishmael, The West Wing's episode dedicated to all the terriost attacks that have been made in the name of religion.  Favorite line from that episode?
 
Islamic extremist is to Islamic as ________ is to Christianity.
 
For those non-fans of The West Wing the answer is the KKK.

Homeward Bound

PU #2 and I spent a few minutes today talking about the 'good old days'.  The conversation took us back here.

This was my very first home; where I came to after being born.  At the time, my parental units were in Spain (PU #2 was stationed here).  This is the first time I have actually seen the place.

Of course once seeing this home, I had to look at the one I remember.

Some many good memories from this home.  The windows at the top were in the attic.  PU #2 used to tell Junior and me that a Civil War ghost lived in the attic so that we would stay out of it.  Believe me when I say that it didn't work.  It has changed a lot since I was there but I still have the memories.



I'm Going Kamikaze On Some Cars

Just to clarify, I'm not talking about getting drunk.


Many of my friends and family have heard me rant about this before so they are just going to have to bear with me or shut their pie holes.

1. My apartment community allows two parking spaces per apartment. Since it is just me, I have no problem with keeping to my two parking space allowance. In fact, even though technically I am allowed to occupy an additional parking space, I always make sure that friends and family follow the rules and they park in the areas that have been deemed suitable for guests.

2. I have a very small car. Julio is a Miata, so he doesn't take up a lot of space either in a parking spot or on the road. In fact most people driving those big ass SUV either assume Julio is a figment of their imagination or they just don't care that I am driving along next to them.

3. Each two storey apartment building has the standard eight apartments; four on top and four on bottom. With two parking spots per apartment, we have a total of sixteen spots to pick from. Giving that I live alone, as does my upstairs neighbor, and I only have one car (ditto for upstairs neighbor), my building should have at least two parking spaces free whenever everyone in the building is home.

There are never two parking spaces free and no they are not occupied by visitors and the like. Want to know why there are never two parking spaces free? Because these fuckers in my building can't park!

Every day I come home, there are a plethora of parking spaces and I usually park in the resident parking spot that is farthest from the building. I have a little car so I don't have a problem pulling into any parking space, not even sub compact parking spaces. Everyone else in my building drives either a sedan or SUV and not one of these idiots know how to pull into a parking space correctly AND they don't know how to back up, straighten their steering wheel and then pull into a parking space correctly.  Therefore a minimum of 1 1/2 parking space is being claimed by one vehicle.

Every damn morning I leave for work, I have to squeeze myself between my driving side door and some other car's passenger side door. It is so fucking irritating that I am now declaring war on my fellow residents.

After squeezing myself between the two cars, I grab Julio by the door handle and fling it open with all the vigor I can muster at 6:30 in the morning. I climb into my car and then push the door open as far as I can with as much force as I can before I finally enclose myself into the semi comfort of Julio's interior.

Is this wrong of me? Of course!
Is it passive aggressive? Hell, yes it is!
Am I damaging both Julio and someone else’s car? Very little, but yes.
Do I care? Not one bit; those fuckers have it coming.

Beware Of The Soccer Dads

As with any community on the face of this earth, Huntsville has its good areas, its bad areas and of course it has its highly affluent areas. In Huntsville's case the highly affluent areas tend to reside in the Monte Sano, Hampton Cove, Jones Valley, South Parkway areas of town.

And just like every community on the face of this earth, Huntsville has people who feel that they are entitled to the best of the best, who believe their children are the most wonderful, precious darlings ever conceived and that money is what counts. These people tend to live in the above mentioned areas.

Now before I get into the juice of my story, I'm sure some of you are thinking that I am getting to rant about the privileged people of my area and you are right. You are going to be thinking that I am just jealous of what these people have or the lifestyle they are able to maintain and to a certain degree you are also right. But in fact this post has to do with common decency and courtesy for your fellow man.

Budzo and Scooter had all day soccer games this past Saturday. The plan was to arrive early, set up our tent behind any crowd so we would not block anyone’s view and just make a day of it. Well, I should say that was everyone else plan; I showed up around noon. I watched the second half of Budzo's game and I noticed that Junior seemed to be silently seething. It didn't take long for me to figure out what was the cause of his ire. Apparently, just as Budzo's game was starting, several of the affluent people I have mentioned above came to watch their child/grandchild play on the opposing team. Wheedling her way into some of the shade our tent provided, an older woman, who was dressed to the nines for a child’s soccer game and smelled horribly of some expensive perfume, decided that the tent did not provide enough shade. She had situated herself slightly to Junior's left and about one half of a foot in front of him. Then she brought up the umbrella. Of course it was a golf umbrella. Of course she did not pull it down as close as possible to her own body. And of course she was completely clueless to the fact that she had now blocked Junior's view of half of the field. Instead of asking the lady to wake up and join this reality, Junior just sighed and watched the rest of the game on his feet.

We then enjoyed a two hour break as we waited for Scooter's game to start. Not to toot our own horns but whenever someone came by to ask questions about the schedule or if they could join us for a minute to get out of the sun or if we would mind watching so and so while they took child #2 to another event, we had no problem. We were all enjoying ourselves and getting to spend some time together.

Cue the warm up for Scooter's team and stupid person #1.
No sooner had we all sat back to watch the warm up, a gentleman, whose wealth was apparent, stood in front of us as he surveyed his kingdom of the soccer field sidelines. He saw all of us, made eye contact, even nodded his head, took about five steps to the right and proceeded to set up this huge summer umbrella right in front of us. I saw both my father and my brother tense. I also saw each one of them just shake their head and decide to let it go. Turns out this man wasn’t setting up the umbrella so that he, his wife and his daughter could comfortably watch their child/sibling play; instead he was setting up the umbrella so his daughter would have a place to play and the dog would have a place to nap. I watched as both the men in my family let their jaws fall when the man then went on to set up chairs for him and his wife, with their back to their daughter. Go figure.

Cue stupid person #2.
A man comes and sets up his chair and carries on several conversations with the people around him. Then he pulls out the beach umbrella and proceeds to hide himself from the sun and the field from us. This was the proverbial straw to the camel’s proverbial back.

PU #2 decides he has had enough and jumps to his feet. Hoping that he is going to handle this situation diplomaticly was fruitless of me; I mean I know my father. His back was ruffeled. He told the men that what they were doing was unacceptable. He explained that we had been there all day and had deliberately set up away from the sideline so that our tent would not block anyone’s view. He said that if they were going to use umbrellas then they should also move to the back of the sidelines so they aren’t obstructing anyones view. I’m sure you can imagine the tone that was used. Both men were stunned and stupid person #2 apologized and moved his seat. Stupid man #1 was really stupid.

As any man is apt to do, he shot his mouth off and tried to get a few quick witted sayings in….but he moved his umbrella. When we thought the worst was over, stupid man #1 turned around and said, “By the way, you are welcome”.

Parental Unit #2 was immediately on his feet, Junior was right behind him tell PU #2 that he had his back, PU #1 and myself were telling them both to let it go and TCFTBL was watching with cell phone in hand.

A few minutes later, Bean pops up.

“Can I go ask them if I can pet their dog?”

“NO!” was the reply from every adult under our tent.

*******************************************************************
Twenty minutes later

“I’m gone; tired of being hot.”

“Okay B” PU#2, replied giving me a hug. “Watch the news tonight.”

“Of course; gotta make sure I don’t have to bail all of you out of jail.”

Sometimes, my family is so white trash.

When The Lights Go Down In The City

So as many of you may have read, my little area of the world has had some major devastation from tornadic activity a couple of weeks ago.  As you have probably seen, small towns and many houses were decimated.  This post has nothing to do with the damage and such.  This post is much more about people's attitudes since the tornados. 

On any given day, no matter where you live, you are apt to run into people who are either going to be nice or they are not.  I am not immune to this; I have many a day that I didn't want to be nice to anyone.  This is why I got out of the hospitality industry.  See, I was a people pleaser and people pleasers need to be in the service industry.  If you are not a people pleaser, you SHOULD NOT be in the service industry.  After spending seven years in the hotel and restaurant industry, I just couldn't do it anymore.  Being in charge of employees and also having to deal with customers just began to wear on me.  When your employee complains about not getting a good tip or that the old lady in 415 just cussed them out because she was going to have to wait for a towel, you have to learn to handle not only the employee but also the customer.  Here is a little tip for some of you out there; the customer is NOT always right.  Let me just say that again.  THE CUSTOMER IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT.  Unfortunately, if you want a good tip, review, smile, stiff nod of the head, whatever you need to brighten your day, you have to make the customer believe that they are right.  After seven years of yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir I had had enough. 

Since leaving the industry, I have always strived to leave a great tip for good service, speak nicely to cashiers, smile at people in general who work any in service industry.  This all leads up to what happened Saturday.

Tam called me and asked if I would come watch Gia for a couple of hours so Tam could get some house work done.  Heading out the door, I called Tam and asked what she wanted from Waffle House.  I got her order and then called Waffle House and placed the order.  I was there within the 15 minutes of placing the order.  I walked into the restaurant and headed directly to the cash register, where a woman was standing doing some paperwork.  I waited.  No recognition from the lady.  I waited some more.

Woman #1: You here for the pick up?
Me: Yes
Woman #1 hollered someone's name and went back to her paperwork.
Woman #1: Crap! (this was not whispered under her breath)
I continued to wait.
Woman #1: I hate my life. (turning her head in the direciton of her coworkers) I need a ticket!
Woman #2: Right here.
I gave my debit card to Woman #1 and reviewed my order.
Me: I also ordered some grits please.
Woman #2: Coming right up.
Me: Can I also get some butter and jelly?
Woman #2: (sighs) What kind?
Me: Strawberry & grape please.
I sign my debit card slip and did not include a tip.
Woman #1: Wow, Woman #2, you must suck as a waitress.
Woman #2: Yeah, I guess so.
Woman #1: You never get a tip.

Now I ask you, in this transaction, did Woman #2 deserve a tip?  My order was incorrect, I had to ask for basic items, Woman #1 was just out and out rude and Woman #2 seems put out to even complete the order.  I was fuming!

Later that evening I realized that I had been experiencing this kind of unpleasantness since the tornados.  It is like the tornados not only destroyed homes and business but also destroyed anyones desire to have an ounce of happiness.  I am completly baffeled by it all.  Perhaps I should have ran into one of the tornados and wished myself away to the land of Oz.  Trust me, I would feel better dealing with a green witch, whose sister I just killed.