I'm Going Kamikaze On Some Cars

Just to clarify, I'm not talking about getting drunk.


Many of my friends and family have heard me rant about this before so they are just going to have to bear with me or shut their pie holes.

1. My apartment community allows two parking spaces per apartment. Since it is just me, I have no problem with keeping to my two parking space allowance. In fact, even though technically I am allowed to occupy an additional parking space, I always make sure that friends and family follow the rules and they park in the areas that have been deemed suitable for guests.

2. I have a very small car. Julio is a Miata, so he doesn't take up a lot of space either in a parking spot or on the road. In fact most people driving those big ass SUV either assume Julio is a figment of their imagination or they just don't care that I am driving along next to them.

3. Each two storey apartment building has the standard eight apartments; four on top and four on bottom. With two parking spots per apartment, we have a total of sixteen spots to pick from. Giving that I live alone, as does my upstairs neighbor, and I only have one car (ditto for upstairs neighbor), my building should have at least two parking spaces free whenever everyone in the building is home.

There are never two parking spaces free and no they are not occupied by visitors and the like. Want to know why there are never two parking spaces free? Because these fuckers in my building can't park!

Every day I come home, there are a plethora of parking spaces and I usually park in the resident parking spot that is farthest from the building. I have a little car so I don't have a problem pulling into any parking space, not even sub compact parking spaces. Everyone else in my building drives either a sedan or SUV and not one of these idiots know how to pull into a parking space correctly AND they don't know how to back up, straighten their steering wheel and then pull into a parking space correctly.  Therefore a minimum of 1 1/2 parking space is being claimed by one vehicle.

Every damn morning I leave for work, I have to squeeze myself between my driving side door and some other car's passenger side door. It is so fucking irritating that I am now declaring war on my fellow residents.

After squeezing myself between the two cars, I grab Julio by the door handle and fling it open with all the vigor I can muster at 6:30 in the morning. I climb into my car and then push the door open as far as I can with as much force as I can before I finally enclose myself into the semi comfort of Julio's interior.

Is this wrong of me? Of course!
Is it passive aggressive? Hell, yes it is!
Am I damaging both Julio and someone else’s car? Very little, but yes.
Do I care? Not one bit; those fuckers have it coming.