Maybe I Should Double My Zoloft Intake?

Recently I received a phone call from my wonderful cousin Mel. Once we got past the initial pleasantries, Mel got straight to the point. This is not a word-for-word conversation; mostly just the gist of it.

Mel: What’s been going on?

Me: Not much, just spending some time with myself.

Mel: Uh-huh……

Me: What?

Mel: Well, you have been spending some time with yourself for the past four months!

Me: What? I have not!

Mel: Have so! I’m worried. Are you depressed?

Me: What?!? No. (laughs) You know you are the second person in the past two weeks to ask me that!

Mel: Well? What does that tell you?


So now I have two people thinking I’m wasting away in my apartment wondering the best way to end my dreaded existence. Mel’s concern did not bother me in the least (Mel, I’m fine and I love you). She, along with Chocolate, Harmonica & Tam, all know that I like my space and do not require daily interaction with people in my little world. They know that if I need them, I’ll call and that they should do the same. This is not to say that I will avoid every phone call they make to me but it does mean that if I do not feel like talking, I’ll be short and sweet. I go through spurts of needing interaction and apparently over the past four months, I haven’t needed much interaction. The other person that I mentioned did bother me. In a flash I went from laughing to shock to “What a bitch”. This other person, let’s call her Becky, felt that because I had forgotten her birthday and had not come to flaunt over her child, that I must be depressed. Now I can understand that she may be hurt because I forgot her birthday. However, in my defense, I forgot a lot of people’s birthday this year: Harmonica, Chocolate and Jake (my freakin’ nephew!) Seriously?!?! Becky is an adult and she is upset that I forgot her birthday? I forgot her birthday and don’t spend time with her child, so therefore I am despondent and considering throwing myself off the 10 story rocket at the museum? While I’m having this conversation with Becky via IM, I call Tam.

Me: Can you believe this?!?

Tam: So you forgot her birthday? You forgot mine last year.

Me: I know; I forgot Jake’s this year and he is one of my babies! You know when I remembered Speck’s? It hit me while I was spending Mother’s Day with Mom. I thought about all my friends who are now moms, including Becky, and realized that Speck was now two!

Tam: You aren’t upset because of the birthday thing; you are upset because of the kid thing.

Me: No I’m not, I’m so over that.

Tam: No you’re not. You have every right to be hurt or upset. What she did was wrong and she didn’t handle it correctly.

Me: You think? I know she handled it wrong.

Tam: It’s not what I think, it is what it is. You are still pissed about it and you are pulling away to avoid a confrontation. She can sense this but doesn’t realize why you are doing it. In her mind’s eye, she didn’t do anything wrong. And while what she did wasn’t cataclysmic, she should have realized it hurt your feelings. You have to talk to her.

Me: I know, I know but I don’t want to. I don’t want to rehash everything and make a big deal out of it.

Tam: You already are.

Me: Oh, shut up – you are supposed to be on my side.

Tam: OK – she is the worst kind of bitch anyone can be and she doesn’t deserved to live. Let’s go kick her ass.


Unfortunately, Tam didn’t say that last thing but I wanted her too. She is right, I’m avoiding confrontation and it’s not like this is a little bitty slight. While I just want to let it all go and get over it, it comes to my mind at least once a day! I am obsessing about it. I had lunch with Becky the other day and all I could think about was the whole situation. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t such a wuss.